Low

Yes, this is the time for an " I'm feeling low " blog. Three years of engineering life and out come the questions. Where is my life heading, What are my options, What are the paths. My mind is full of question marks that will not be processed for a while. One thing is for sure, it took me three fruitless years to realise that I'm up to no good. There is always one nagging question- Have i realised my potential , or how far am i from realising it.
It all started a few hours ago. I've learnt from trial and error not to have any regrets about anything. But every dog has its day, so they say...
The only regret i had till date was not realising my genius in 12th. I had two options then- Prepare for my boards and k-cet, or hit the jackpot by slogging it out for IIT. Apparently, i took the wrong option. And not a day goes by where i don't regret or ponder. What if , is a very dicey question. We can't help but laugh off our parents constant rambling about the opportunities we have now. It really is painful knowing they're always right. The World really is a funny place. One day , you're just whistling to yourself , enjoying the wind playing with your hairs. Next thing you know , you're being realistic! It hurts. Knowing that you could've have done more. What good is it to hope for a time machine;).
How is one to strike a compromise with the person you really are and the person you so wish you were. We are light years away. Damage control is our only go. The things i want to do now.
Wishing for once that my engineering life was over and i got a taste of practicality , a grasp on the outside world. The World really is a competitive place. I don't want to be the guy stuck in the middle of the rung , knowing (or regretting) that i might as well have been on top. The things i give significance to ,such as the time in my adolescent years where i had O.C.D , or how i couldn't be a "cool" guy. I still give significance to the most insigificant things. And now when i'm left to ponder over the "significant" decisions i made over the course of my life , i'm so very helpless.
Which brings me to this- One always relates to good music. A good tune strikes a vibe. It really is fascinating how we grow from appreciating the Backstreet Boys , then loathing them , and moving onto stuff like eminem , Bryan Adams , and then concluding that Floyd is God. I'm making this point because music has so much to do with our "identity" , much more than we give it credit for. Sure , we have phases of apprecition for other genres (in my case bluegrass country), but we don't stop experimenting for we haven't found our identity. Also worth a mention is Iron Maiden , for what they're actually saying is Go On, do your thing , and we just go aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh. But this is not my identity. I'm still in the process of discovering it. The ingrediant adding spice in an unduly manner is Uncertainity. I don't want to be the one to ever have regrets , or ever ponder about how i never realised my true genius. And i don't want to be the jack of all trades. I want to be the master of one.
If only we were certain. If only.
P:S- I can't put all of it in words:P