Conan's goals are my goals as well!

Conan O Brian has given me reason to believe that it's perfectly okay to have no direction in Life! After watching the initial part of his Commencement speech at Dartmouth, I had reason enough to believe that it was not a special delivery. As one would expect, it had a fair share of humour, dark albeit brilliant at that. He was pretty much playing out the Tonight Show on the podium. But then it got interesting towards the end (See for yourself)
Conan's speech!.
When I was a kid, all I wanted to do was to learn to ride the Bicycle my Dad had bought me. At that point of time, All i wanted to do was to ride it out on my own; To feel "cool" like the other kids on the block. Perhaps, my realm of finding something to be content about was restricted and bounded by what I could perceive to be real.
My dad would pretend to hold the back of the seat and run along as i cruised into the distance; I would always be led on to believe that i was not doing this on my own. This stayed on for a couple of nights, until one fine evening I turned back to look that my dad was watching from a fair distance. It seemed quite unbelievable to me for I always thought that I'd need to conjure something magical to learn how to balance a Bicycle. To be frank, I was mighty frightened I'd fall, the mental demons were playing their games and playing them well. It really was one of the most amazing moments of my childhood. I had successfully managed to learn to balance a Cycle, and was doing it on my own!!
To this day, I believe that once you're led on to something and you're doing quite beautifully, it is quite natural that you may be thrown outside your comfort zone, but you need to feel confident enough to realize you have already done all the hard work and you're almost near the finish line.
As i grew older and wiser, I knew that I wanted to become a "somebody" who would do "something" that eventually got me rich. We all live in a materialistic world where it's hard to live without getting influenced by money or equivalents of money. All Kids (to this day) would want to end up with a lot of greens! But back then, we wouldn't know what or how. There may be some three year olds who'd want to be Fire-fighters and save the world, but they don't know shit :D.
I think I was 12 when I my mom told me about the IIT's and the IIM's. She sure as hell painted me a nice picture and made it seem that it was the way to go to achieve my "dreams"; Ones drawn for me by my mom. I had no identity of my own. I used to play fairly decent Cricket in an Indoor badminton court, scored a 400 well before Lara and voila. I had set my mind on being a cricketer. Then there was a phase where my friend's dad took me to the golf course. I was fascinated by the lush greens, the Bunkers and the roughs, the follow through of the Golf stick. So much so, I stole a couple of Golf balls, learnt the rules of the game by constantly watching T.V, planted a Par-3 golf course on the front garden and religiously played every evening till tennis got the better of me. I always had a sense that I was cut out to be a Sportsman. The competitive nature of Sport always drew me to it. But I guess I couldn't find one to stick to, and that was probably my problem.
Then there was a brief time wherein I was fascinated with aeroplanes, Everything about them. The wide bodies, the Cruising speeds, the double decker 747s, the magnificent livery, and what not. I decided that flying planes was too risky :D. So why not just become an aeronautical engineer?
Through School and most of college, I was a genius with Numbers. I could play them and they could play me. But I never quite figured out What future numbers have for me. (Finance perhaps, but something tells me that isn't going to happen). Then I aced my Undergrad entrance test, And I was told that Electronics was the best option for me. Four years of that Crap gave me enough reasons to believe I am not a technical person.
It was at a traffic signal a few years ago that had a profound impact on my future, or let me say, my perceived future. I decided that I was meant to be a good Managerial person. That's all I had to work with.
I then took up a job with IBM, where I still had wrong notions about what kind of roles I may apply for at the organisation. Having watched Wimbledon all through the years, all I pretty much cared about was somehow representing IBM at the event. That was the pinnacle for me. Some things just don't happen!
The important thing is I have learnt to live with defeats. These different phases in life; Coupled with not so realistic dreams add on beautifully to 'define' you. To give you an identity. Something to work with. Now that's a start.
I have been fortunate enough to learn the e-procurement cycle of Unilever at my job. And now, I probably want to be a Supply chain consultant. I am heading to Marseille to learn a few new things about International Business. Maybe my dreams will take a turn for the worse. Only time will tell. But who knows: Maybe I will end up working in the logistics division at Airbus; This way I am closer to planes. I get to travel the world. Sign deals, make some money; and use that money to Watch Federer and Nadal in action, at another Wimbledon final.
Or maybe I will do something else. I'm not sure, and I don't care. I am ready to adapt. The process is in place. Nothing can go wrong.

~

The Light morning drizzle,

Why not take a swivel?

The sun through the clouds,

both the quiets and louds.

The smell of wet Earth,

And everything that's worth.

Wet Grass and dew,

Is everything to rue.

The waves and shore,

The beach and even more.

The sky and its shades,

But our vision fades.

The stars in the night,

Are beacons of light.

Dreams of a distant land,

Faces in the sand.

Mountains standing tall,

Fathering avalanches that fall.

The white of the snow,

But the dark is a blow.

Yin and Yang,

The little birds sang.

Birds of Life,

And all that is rife.

Up above me there's a few electric cables hanging haphazardly against the backdrop of the night sky. A few birds meander about. It is generally quiet. In the distance I can see the tail-lights of an aeroplane.Moving slowly yet rapidly. It kind of gives you a perspective of the vastness of the sky.. There's hardly any stars. The floating clouds are grey. Like foam from a soap bar when you wash your hands. They're warning you with the smell of rain drops in the air. You're listening to 'The hero of the day' by Metallica and wondering who this 'hero' is?
The sky, the lights, the imposing skyline, the dogs barking incessantly on the streets, or something else.
Something larger than life itself, you wonder. For just one second you picture what you actually can be as opposed to what you are. And then you realise that it's all out there if you need it. You have to ask yourself how badly you need it. There are some things that can't be quantified. Your dreams are in your hands. Just make sure it doesn't slip away and 'blend' with the distant stars or the deepest oceans. Just remember that the waves still hit the beach. So find the right tide, and hop on for the ride. If you meet an obstacle, bypass it or strike at its heart. If you can't do it, then hope. For hope will never fail you, if there ever is a God..

P:S- written under the influence of a pitcher of beer, on 12-08-2010 at 19:51

The end of an era!

It's been quite a journey. But now, it all comes to an end. Looking back on all the events and memories, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't change a thing. 
From those nervous first steps into college to these last few days running around with nervous energy to get our project reports done. 


It's hard to believe four years have whizzed past so soon. It hasn't been that fruitful a time. To put things in a nutshell, I would simply say that I've matured as a person. I know how crazy and cliched this sounds, but I'd like to think it's true. I wouldn't want to convince myself that engineering was an absolute waste.
It wasn't. 


I've learnt how things are different at the surface than they actually are. How impractical the VTU system actually is, among other things.
There were times when I laughed so hard, and for so long that my tummy hurt. There were other times when I'd pull at my hair and scream! An outcry against things that I'd not quite understand or comprehend. There were iffy moments too. Sometimes, I'd ask myself questions that I'd never find answers to. Sometimes, the answers were right there in front of me...


-I remember my first day at college. We had class at 8.30 on 18th sep 2006. It was Maths class. We were asked to introduce ourselves, as well as mention our Maths marks in P.U. We also had one chap, V.M.R handle classes in Civil Engineering. I remember how we used to maintain notes, attend all classes, be 'ideal students' and all that jazz.
-I remember the tick tick tick tick incident very clearly. We had it nicely:)
-I remember the transition into 2nd sem. I started my T.T craze phase, started bunking classes regularly, started The-I-don't-give-a-rat's-ass-attitude which worked well for me. 
I'd meet my p.u friends over the weekend, and we'd go to this little joint called K.B.C. There, Nickil and myself would always order the chicken noodles:). This trend continued for a year or so, but we soon stopped visiting that place. Sometimes, we'd meet up in k-man's place and chat late into the night. Soon we coined 'D.G' and 'D.C' and S.F. And also that lil joke on the missed call from heaven!.Thinking about it makes me laugh hard every single time. For our 2nd sem Basic Electronics paper, Nickil and myself had some Red Label before leaving for the exam. Both of us nailed the paper:P


There was 17th March 2007. All of us sat on the 6.45 train with a spring in our steps. There was excitement. It was the first time ever.
30 and myself came out early, we missed the last few tracks. I'm sure He too regrets it even to this day. But we did see Nicko and he did wave at us! We hopped onto the bus back home at 2 in the morning. We even walked back to k-man's place from the bus stand. We coined 'Ostrich' then. He sure as hell was walking like one:P. That lad was still pissed with me about the previous night's events. I never did believe him when he told me that India indeed lost to Bangladesh at the W.C. I was all WTF! I remember nickil and his I saw Bruce, I saw Bruce rant. Will you shut up already!:P 
That was also the time when I had joined karate classes. K-man and myself weren't that interested, so we'd try our best to not attend. It was also the time when A few of us showed a keen interest in "girls", put our hand into the fire when we shouldn't have, only to learn things the hard way! 


-I remember how 30 took us to Lalith Mahal, and we even shot some pool on the Maharaja's table. Sweet! 
-I remember how Nickil and myself would pay 30 a visit in the evenings, and then we'd proceed to a spot near the helipad, where we'd listen to good music, look at the patterns in the sky, and write poetry:P


-I remember my 3rd sem Logic Design paper, I had to give it on Jan 1st 2008. It was a hard time for me, Reading 3 units the previous night. Toiling hard. Mr Pitil had dropped by some time that week. We spoke for an hour or two about how Better I should have 'handled' the situation. 
I learnt how useless my E&C course was. I was not interested to say the least.
There was the LIC incident in 4th sem. I gave 2 blank books for the first 2 internals and somehow managed a 13 in the 3rd. I never thought once that anything less than 37 in the external would mean 'Fail':). 
-I remember how I'd always be kicked out of lab by none other than M.G.V every single week. It had gotten so bad that there was a point in time I'd actually walk out as soon as she called out my name:P
-I remember that one time after M-3 or M-4, Nickil and myself went to K-man's place, the guy thought he was going to fail!!! He was almost in tears, and apparently, he wanted to walk out of the exam hall in 40 minutes. That was a priceless moment, the expression on his face!!
-I remember 16th Feb,2008. One of the best days of my life. I've never ever laughed so much. Thank you maadi for the entertainment:)
- I remember hodiri saar, hodiri:P It was real fun.
-I remember all those night out sessions in PJ's place. We'd all be flat by 2 odd but PJ would read into the morning at his own pace, but surprisingly, He'd only be 3 pages ahead. :P
-I also remember how 'ostrich' mentioned to me one day that he'd slept straight from 7 p.m to 7 a.m. I still wonder how.
-I remember the mentality of fellow E&C-ians. There was 31st December 2008. The D-Day. We were to write our CMOS-VLSI paper. All of us were nervous, Haven prepared only for 60 marks. But, as always, we managed 70 plus:). That day was a real take-a-shit-in-your-pants kind of day.
-I remember the day I got placed. That night was great fun. We toasted to life and it's complications!


-I remember the night before our last ever theory paper. There was a cloud of anticipation surrounding me. It was the toughest paper I've ever studied for. One cannot put into words how most of us would've felt when the bell rung at 5 sharp. We were now engineers!


I did get my IBM joining date as 17th june, in Chennai. I tried my best to convince them to postpone it, using excuses such as- 'our project demo finishes on 15th june, so we need time to find accommodation and make travel arrangements', but to no avail. I guess all this was 'cause I wasn't ready to let go of this life. One that I'm familiar with and can relate to.
The reason I remember so many beautiful things from the past four years are the wonderful friends who have contributed to make them memorable.


So A Big Thank you to all! Frost once wrote- 'Two roads diverged in a yellow wood'. I hope we all take the same road:P

Over a cup of tea!

It's been an hour since I got back home. Here I am, sitting in front of the computer and blasting away. A cup of tea in one hand, the other on the keyboard. My eyes are stretched, mostly because it isn't easy writing a 3 hour paper. But yet, I sporadically glance at the t.v and catch up on some good tennis. Federer was in action a while back and was leading 2 sets to nil, but soon, Rain battered the court and the covers were pulled over. There was a clear demarcation between the grey and blue areas of the sky. What's the use seeing something beautiful on t.v, i wonder, when we aren't actually there to see it in person and 'map' some glorious images in our mind. There is something about the orange of the clay that fascinates me. It gives Tennis, passion and competitiveness a whole new meaning. 

Last night, When I was actually supposed to study for today, I decided to catch Rafa Nadal in action. There's something about the way he plays that reflects on my mood swings. When he loses, that's a bad day for me!

When he wins and bites into those trophies, My day is made. I feel happy, fresh and steadfast. 

'Brighter than a thousand suns' is blasting full on. It is such a relevant song about war and it's complications. I especially like the lines

                                 Whatever would Robert have said to his God

                                                     About he made war with the Sun
                                                    E equals MC squared, you can't relate
                                                      How we made God with our hands.

 The song enters its riff sequence, and I finish my tea. Over the guitar solos and clatter of tennis balls being struck, I clearly catch the use of obsene kannada phrases out on the street. Out there in the park outside my window, The kids are endlessly playing cricket. They obviously play with money at stake. Beside the park, A couple of senior citizens are taking a walk, mindless of the profane language usage. On the top of my CPU, the ADSL modem is perpetually blinking. I am now reminded that I only have only three exams to ago, and then I'm an engineer! It's so hard to picture. A life you've known, one you've gotten used too, is going to end for real.

The other day, One of my classmates sent this message to a friend who'd just gotten an admit in UNSW, Sydney.

It went- 

'' Congrats man... I wish you have a wonderful time in australia... all the best for your future...we'll miss you... can't imagine a life without college and friends... can't believe it's almost over... we are getting a glimpse of the light house but the problem is that i am beginning to miss the sea..." A very emotional message at that. That very day, I tried telling myself that this chapter of life has to end somewhere, and we're soon to open the next chapter in Life. I just wish that the next two months would be the most memorable months for a long time. But the problem with good memories are that they're surely going to stay in our head, and we reminisce about them in the near future, A void is not going to be filled.

My mind now wanders for a while as 'Us and Them' starts playing.

Soon, I am reminded about the simplicity of Pink Floyd's music. I lay my cup on the table, switch off the t.v, increase the volume on the speakers, and soon, I'm in another World. Music is the simplest emotion!

Last week- part 1!

It's been real long since i last wrote something that made sense. The previous poem on clouds was full of shit. Well, I'd say I'm seriously running out of creative juices. It's actually painful 'cause usually, when i'm sitting in front of my laptop, my fingers actually 'roll' over the keypad and sentences do come easy.
I for one especially feel bad about this 'drought' of sorts, so this attempt is one to fill a few characters, speak my mind and make some sense! A few years from now, I wouldn't want to look back and ponder about the lack of enthusiasm I've shown recently when it comes to writing, and now I think I've done enough to accentuate the same:)


One credible reason I'd attribute to this self imposed hiatus would have to be my lazy ass getting even lazier. In fact, I haven't even been doing the things I love to do- Watching movies and reading novels. Anyway, enough of this nonsensical talk and let me get down to business.


9th April was the eve of my friend 'k-man' a.k.a s.f's 23rd birthday. Usually how it works with us is we all pretend that we've forgotten about one's birthday and don't give a rat's backside. But this time was different for some reason.
At around 11.30 p.m, I messaged s.f, wished him a Happy Birthday with all ardor that one can possibly fit into an s.m.s, and told him I was pretty sleepy so I wouldn't be able to call him up. But I somehow ended up on facebook and he was there too, so along with another 'virtual' happy birthday, I was forced to call him up past 12 since now he knew I was lying.
Seriously, this whole charade of who wishes first and who tries the hardest to wish at 12 is so cliched, or at least that's how I feel. How're 'virtual birthday wishes' going to make one's birthday any better? :O


The next morning, I somehow cajoled myself to attend class, what with all attendance issues that I'll talk about later. We had a break at 9.30, so us class guys went down to Yampa (milk parlour) to have some milk-shake. 
Well there she was. My latest crush, sitting with her back against me. Her dark hair shining brightly in sunshine. So near yet so far, I thought:P
It had been almost two years since the last time I did something about a girl. So the odds were I wouldn't do anything that day. But s.f convinced me to go talk to her. He used a filmy touch in his conviction, about how we only have 60 days left in this college life, and the number of rejections wouldn't matter since we'd all save face anyway. 
I was still pretty skeptical, since I'd long lost the 'art' of flirting or even talking sensibly to a girl I found cute. Even to this day, I don't know!
Seriously, what is with the female species.

• They have this thing called ego, which they flaunt around thinking it adds to their attitude.
• They have attitude, cause they always expect the guy to come by and talk.
• They expect us to talk in the first place:)

Anyway, I walk up to her with some josh coupled with a bundle of nervousness trying to convince me to turn back. I say- 'Excuse me, Can I have a word?'
I figure All's going well so far. But then she gives me a nervous look so I literally crap in my pants. She gives nervous glances to her friends as if she were asking for solace from me.:P 
But then her friends nod and so with much apprehension, I take her to a side and say something that goes like this-
' Hey My name's Kishore I'm from 8th sem EC. What's yours?' 


I was so nervous that I couldn't catch hers and didn't bother to ask again. From what I garnered, her name's Aindrita or something with some 'phlegm' like effect in between syllables:).
Then I tell her that I sorta had a crush on her. Then I wait for a few seconds but she doesn't move or speak. I wanted to get this over and done with so I directly ask her if she's seeing someone to which she replies with a short yes. When has 'yes' sounded so degrading?:P 
I was already acting retarded, and plus her friends were giving me looks so all I could manage was 'Catch you later then'. I didn't even ask for her number. Thu. I feel like such a dick. 
To top it all, One of the reasons I did this whole pointless-embarassing- I knew I'd be rejected thing was S.F had told me earlier that He had a girl in mind and was going to do something about her too.


To this day, he hasn't done shit and I haven't seen my chick either. Hopefully I can muster some courage next time and ask for her number. After all, What have I to lose? My rep? It was never on the line anyway.


P.S- S.F, the point is, you haven't done shit yet. So I'm using a 'virtual environment' to remind you, rather than meeting you in person.
More later, folks! I promise to write more often as I've a feeling i CAN!

Relief!

I finally got placed yesterday! IBM-GBS now. It's a great feeling having the security of a job, especially when there's added pressure on you when all your friends have gotten jobs. There's always the fear of the unknown. A slight probability of not getting placed at all, that, no matter how unlikely, never fails to worry you. You begin thinking of the realm of possibilities, examining your threshold levels like i mentioned in my previous post.
So I had to get placed and get it done with. One job policy or not!
I was low on confidence before the written round. I have no explanations why though:). I just told myself that i'd give it my best shot and leave the rest to god. So there i was, marking answers with a pounding heart still reminding me that things can still go wrong. But i guess it wasn't to be.

At about 2.30, results were announced and i was through to G.D. I breezed through that as all i had to do was speak, and apparently, all my points were valid. All the students in our panel were shortlisted for tech/hr round. But the wait was killing. I was the last to be interviewed! Horrible thing only.

The interviewer was a student of Mysore itself! Sometimes you just know that nothing can go wrong. It was one of those feelings. He asked for my resume and started asking questions about myself, what makes me unique and why IBM should hire me, the likes!

I made sure he asked me a bare minimum of C, but I made sure I came across as an 'efficient' coder:P

Sometimes, you just know things are meant to happen and there's always God's way. So i called my 'placed' friends up and told them to ready themselves for a boys night out. Finally at about 7.15, the results were announced and my name was called towards the end.

I'd say that was and is going to be a crucial moment in my life, for i was sure then that I had found my 'holding' ground, or what I'd like to call the grey between black and white.:P

I knew then that Management was the right path for me, and the supporting cause for the same was how my communication skills never failed me that day. I just knew that this is what i'm good for.

My friends met up for a brief dinner and the customary drinking( celebration drinks if you may). We drank to our future, our friendship, and most importantly, to this great journey of life. We then headed to a place called sagar katte, which is a kind of a hamlet with a river/lake on either side.(near krs reservoir) In the distance was a railway station too! A beautiful place to have some beer. The passing train at 3 in the night looked like a chain of lights. The night sky was so clear, and i've never seen so many stars in the sky, in my entire life!

Perhaps this was symbolic of how far we can actually progress in life, and the realm of possibilities that now actually seemed possible! It was also symbolic of how, in a few months time, we'd all probably be headed our own ways, building our respective careers. But now, I'm ready for all that!

Lust?

 Excerpt 1:

I've always believed that true love can be found. I had no misconceptions about love, lust, or the likes. And the first time 'it' happened, turned out to be the last time. The girl was 'complicated' in many ways. But the thing that mattered most to me was that i was happy. I loved spending time with her, listening to music, watching t.v shows together, cooking sometimes, and dreaming about cuddling up in bed.

It all started in the month of October. A mutual friend told me that she had a little crush on me, (which i didn't quite believe at first) and she was planning on meeting and telling me. Actually it was the other way around. I told a mutual friend that I had a crush on her.So a date was fixed, where in i was stood up.
I managed to convince her to go out with me, and soon we had a 'connection' of sorts,and despite the awkwardness that followed, I managed to open up quite a bit. Being Insecure was my thing, till about then. I matured a bit more as a person, i figure. She never failed to calm me, when i was angry about things. I realised that 'this' was something special, simply because i was happier as a person.
And since i couldn't give 'this' a meaningful term, I called it love. And so did she. As the days rolled by, and seasons came and went, we were in what people call a 'relationship'. Sleepless nights were a plenty. Rolling on both sides in bed, wondering what she'd be doing now, perpetually calling her even when i didn't have to. It was another issue she didn't pick the calls. She was busy with house work, i figured.This was the order of the day.

Often, we'd hold hands, swing them by our sides, and walk into the distance. We'd look for eternity at the stars, all the while sure that this was no 'infatuation'. Sometimes, I'd bend in to kiss her, only to be disappointed, as she'd back away. Both of us would be nervous. Me, because i did not quite know how to make a move, while she, because she just wasn't 'ready'. This was to be a special event for her.Nevertheless, I understood, or at least tried to. (All guys don't think with their dicks:p ) I felt this was the only thing missing in our relationship. And as you all know, all good things come crashing down, like Murphy's adage. We broke up, for reasons best left un-menitoned. I was left scarred for months. I felt 'Incomplete'. I cried myself to sleep for nights together.



Excerpt 2:

I was having my customary whiskey on the rocks one fine evening,.My friend happened to drag me to a Disco. I was reluctant. I didn't like the music they play, or those bright ass lights they use. But somehow, I agreed to give him company. We entered, ordered a few beers, and voila! I spotted a few hot chicks in skimpy clothes. I've my own perceptions of the word slutty, what's right or wrong, etc etc, but as is always the case, alcohol changes perceptions:P. I got 'introduced' to one good  looking girl with the customary 'Hi, how are you?', and a peck on the cheek.

The dj got the night rolling. Soon i realised that i was 'dancing' with her. I could smell the booze all over her. I decided not to take advantage of her in any which way. But she kept coming up beside me, while i tried keeping my distance. Soon, my hands were over her in areas I'd never dreamt i'd 'feel'. She didn't seem to mind it, and soon, I was cupping her backside.
She took me aside, told me to step outside with her, which i obliged. I was led outside, where, next thing i know, she grabbed at my hair, pulled me forward, and impinged her lips onto mine. Soon, we were grabbing each other, and heaven's doors were opened. I didn't even have to knock.
I felt a tenderness like i've never felt or imagined before. I pulled her onto me in a flash, and gave her some of my own version of mouth to mouth. We repeated this a few times, and i felt a 'surge' of hormones awakening my 'organ'.
When we finally parted, I said bye and so did she. We never asked each others names, or phone numbers.
I felt guilty and elated at the same time. Things were never so complicated and easy at the same time.
Here was a girl,  responsible for my first kiss and the feelings it invoked, but i'll probably never see her again.

As the girl moves on from one 'random guy' to another, oblivious to what she's done to transform me, my perceptions of the word 'slut', 'bitch', loyalty, and guilt change forever. I now seek lust. Perhaps, this will 'complete' me.

p:s- Excerpt 1 was written by allan harper when he was 20, and excerpt 2 by charlie harper when he was 12. Charlie found 'excerpt' 1 near his bedside table a few days ago, and swears that allan has mostly lied about his realationship:P . Allan always failed to calm his 'girlfriend', when she'd get angry for every which reason possible. Charlie also claims that Allan would look for eternity at the stars, wondering why he's so miserable in the first place. He was portraying a 'stable' man image. Allan does still remain scarred, often reminded in ghastly dreams about how the girl was repelled by his 'moving in for the kiss' action.

p:p:s- Those who don't know these characters, please watch two and a half men, pronto!

I should have written this in September: PART two

On september 22nd, we had six hours of theory classes. I always have problems waking up at 6:30 odd and getting ready for class. The good thing about this semester is that impossible subjects like Optical Fibre Communication and D.S.P have been assigned to visiting faculty. Frankly, we couldn't care less. Ironic in a way, since we're most likely going to get 'screwed' in these subjects. We convince them 'faculty' about why we're coming late to class and 9/10 times, they pretty much buy it.

'The Patriots' was scheduled for screening at 12 p.m. The name sounded kind-of enticing, so i decided i'd bunk the elective classes and head down to the cinema screening, only to realise that they were screening 'Decalog-1'. I had enjoyed kieslowski's work in Three colours Blue- especially the score and the excellent acting by Juliette Binoche. Decalog-1 is about the first commandment.

"I am the LORD your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, from the house of slavery. You shall have no other gods before Me..."

In this 50 min snippet, a University teacher trains his son in 'scientific methods'  he himself has verified and found to be foolproof, but fate decides otherwise. I've always been fascinated with the whole 'God' angle to Scientific reason, and how you can't be too sure about anything. Hope is a very dicey equation, and sometimes, God himself doesn't believe in miracles. The ending is truly magnificent, and all i kept saying was- 'shit, shit, shit'.

The next day was bleddy lab at 7.30, which i always hate attending. So i managed to sit through three hours, pretending to process information about SCR's and their associated nonsense.

'The cranes are flying' was screening in the noon. I loved this movie. It is so beautifully shot for a 1960's movie. I especially loved the shots of the two lovers chasing each other on the spiral staircase. 

  Spoiler:                                                            

The female lead- 'Veronica' (who has very sharp features:P) falls in love with 'Boris', only to then hear he's been shortlisted for the war. She doesn't get to say a proper goodbye to him. Boris' cousin Mark proposes his love to her, and they get married. However, she does not forget Boris, and a battle between her 'security' and betrayal ensues. The key element of this movie is a 'doll', and the importance of this is brought out in the end. I love the movie's title as it presents exactly that.

I was particularly annoyed with a few uninterested people sitting behind me. The incessant clutter of keypads of mobile phones, followed by a laser beam directed at the screen. It really pissed me off. Somewhere in between, one said to another- 'macha idu true louu' :P wtf. The kind of characters one meets at a cinema is rather intriguing.

On thursday morning, I went to college, but decided to bunk classes, so basically i wasted some fuel:P

It was a friend enigman's birthday. And also, we heard that the Noted carnatic singer 'Balamurali Krishna' was visiting a friends house. It was hard to believe that i'd be in his 'gracious presence'. But there we were, five of us, taking his 'ashirvada'. He was dressed very elegantly, a simple shirt and a simple kacche panche. He told us to study well. We didn't speak much, mainly because we were too stunned to see him face to face. We tried though.

I'll be frank in saying I haven't heard much of his work, but I do know a little bit abour 'Raga', 'Thala', and know what octaves the man can work. So it was a nice moment for me, considering the ashirvada part, and was already turning out to be a great day for my friend. ( we often tease the chap by calling him sangeeth vidwan. Do the math:P). After this, we headed to the much famed G.T.R, where we savoured some masala dosas with much verocity.

The great U.Srinivas was playing at Ganapati Sachidananda Ashrama at 10, so obviously we headed there:) We thought, to hell with it, and went way up front right in front of the stage and glued our asses. I swear i've never seen such speed in my life. Sometimes, his finger movements were invisible. He literally tamed and toyed with his instruments. He was accompanied by his brother- U rajesh, who i must say is also 'something else'. On of the Thyagara compositions, entharo i guess, I closed my eyes for a moment. I'd say i'll label what i heard as the purest sound. It was legend.... wait for it....dary:P. We spoke about this the entire day. In the night, we hit a dhaba to celebrate with customary 'tanni'. There, we drank to Balaguru, music, life and the day that never was:)

P:S- The next day, i watched ' Coffee and cigarettes', but that does deserve any mention?

I should have written this in september: PART 1

Mysore had a lot of activities in store during Dasara. I've been here nine years but still haven't convinced my ass to check out the wrestling events that are held with much grandeur. Nor have i paid any visits to the karnatic music sessions usually held in the famed Mysore Palace which is now, the second most visited monument/structure in India, after the Taj Mahal.


Anyway, this time, Dasara was to be held in the third week of September, with much hype provided by the media, as this was the first time it was held with B.J.P at the helm of things. I'd read somewhere that the Mysore Film society was having something called the 'Mysore Film festival' and they were slated to play around 20 movies of various genres from 19th-26th. I decided that college was not a 'suitable' sanctuary for the entire week, as Cinema always holds a higher ground for me:)

I missed Kim Ki Duk's Spring Summer Fall Winter... Spring as i didn't realise it was playing on saturday, the 19th. Ki Duk has sort of a cult status in World Cinema, and he's a fantastic Director. I downloaded the movie on torrent, and watched it the following week. It's about a Buddhist monk and the lessons he learns as he passes through the seasons of his life. Very good imagery and attention to detail is prominent. A must watch.

The weekend brought with it the usual mundane activities. Monday morning blues coupled with the fact that 'Wild Strawberries' was playing meant that i was sure to bunk class.
Not many can sit through a Bergman movie without flinching in their seats, but those who can, will realise that Bergman defines the epitome of cinema. His signature move is a close-in on a face painted with emotions.

Wild Strawberries is like a jigsaw puzzle. With each viewing, one is sure to garner different meanings about life's situations. With all Bergman movies (at least the ones i've seen), it's as if each human emotion is a piece of string, neatly interwoven and presented to the viewer in all Complexity possible. I guess that's the best way to describe Bergman's style. Each viewing presents a new layer. The base layer is the base story- An ageing professor feels that his life was useless, and he's forced to come to terms with his emptiness, confront the demons of his past, and find solace in 'something'. The movie really is, about this 'something'.

Towards the end,the music is very soothing. The last shot is the customary close-up:). Perhaps this is the reason the word 'Bergmanesque' was coined. A fitting tribute This movie is best watched alone.

'In the mood for love' was playing next, and i decided not to watch it. The reason being- A first time Bergman fellow with me. Do the math:P. I missed a Kurasawa movie- Throne of blood due to a heavy lunch and i spent the rest of the day at home. In the evenings, I used to pay visits to 'Yuva Dasara', which was happening at the nearby Maharaja grounds. The sound system this time was bad, and the atmosphere was mostly marred by incessant rains, which made the soil all mucky. However, S.P Balasubramanium, Raghu Dixit, Shreya Goshal and a few others still came and sang stuff.

Star of Mysore had an article that read- Goshal enthralls mysore. This gave a whole new meaning to the word 'enthrall', considering that the sound was really bad and her voice was dismal, or so i thought. A friend and myself started comparing the crowd there to the one present for the Iron Maiden concerts we attended in March '07 and feb '09. (the only actual 'concerts' i'd ever been to). Yes, we were that jobless. To top it all, we were scanning the Horizon for so called chicks. I figure the rains kept them at home itself:)

P:S- A lot more happened that week, and i shall dwell about it in the next post.

This past month has been crazy with many ups and downs. Diwali was mighty fun. I stayed over at a friend's place, we drank beer late into the night and he cooked us some tasty, albeit bland, omelets(I've surely spelt this wrong). We even sneaked out at two in the morning for a short drive.
Earlier that day, we hit the near-by market to buy em crackers.
As always, we had what one would call a cash crunch situation, so we decided that we'd limit purchases to around 400rs/- range. Big-man-kulla (a friend) decided that he'd put his bargaining skills to test. In the end, the shop-keeper was impressed that he gave us bitti crackers, and called kulla, Bhai, which i thought was funny, considering his stature:D.
It'd been many years since i last bursted crackers, nothing to do with the environmental pollution cliche.
It turned out to be quite an eventful evening pooled with lots of laughter. The weekend went by pretty smoothly.
The night of 20th oct, I couldn't sleep at all. I was hell bent on catching up on some, the reason being lab at 7.30 a.m, the next day. The thing with sleep is, when you need it most, it just doesn't happen. At about four in the morning, my Mom woke me up. She told me that my Uncle (her Brother-in-law) was not responding, and that she was headed to check.
Damn! I hate these situations. I thought to myself- If i don't get a call in the next hour, everything is fine, and the poor man is alright. But deep down, I simply knew that something was not right. Soon enough, my Dad called me to inform me about his passing.
There is some intuition that Death beckons. It turns out that my sister, and a few cousins as well, didn't sleep the previous night either. It had been Eight years since a death in the family. This was least expected, as the poor chap, despite his age (80 plus), was mighty fit. I still couldn't believe the chain of events.
My Mom had told me that a few days back, he'd spoken to her about his 'impending doom' and how everyday was a birthday of sorts.
I've observed one thing- Death brings people closer. In many ways. Emotions take over. People cry a LOT. I still have one problem i'm yet to solve. How to speak to a bereaved person?
I mean, you just can't walk over and say- I'm sorry about your loss. It's bleddy obvious you're sorry. I personally feel a hug is more comforting than reminding someone about their loss. Something else i observed that day- Some people chit-chat about marriages, their job, lives. I overheard someone speaking about their business proposals.
This one occasion where one's supposed to mourn a loss and pay tribute to the life of a man, but this is how they show their respect.
Everyone keeps telling me that my Uncle was a very independant man, and that 'Independence' was the lesson he planned to share with us. He insisted that no one accompany him to the Doctor's clinic for a check up. My aunt later told me that his last words were in fact- 'Don't disturb anyone at this untimely hour'.
I never knew him that well, so I can't fathom the heartbreak that his near and dear ones must be feeling. But i know for sure that Life really is a lesson and we eventually learn it when we're through.
Even to this day, when i look at his photo resting on a shelf near the kitchen, I can't believe he's really gone. I guess In the end, One seeks solace by going back in time and cherishing memories.

P:S- This whole week's been a bitch. Now I have em internals, Operating Systems tomorrow. So I'm off, and i promise to write soon.

class trip, part 2:)

Before i proceed with my ramblings on the Mallali falls part of the trip, I'd like to mention a little joke our class guys shared before boarding ze bus. We had decided that the best we could do with the leftovers from food was to feed them to the dogs there:). We then observed how them scavengers savagely gulped down curd rice, with absolutely no regard for table manners.
Someone decided that the pickle shouldn't go to waste, so we left it in the open and joked about how the dogs would have loose stools for months:).
It was a good laugh, and even now, remembering that incident always brings a smile to my face. So much so that, i even do so in the most boring of classes, when i'm not playing bingo, staring at my watch or pretending to listen.
It was almost around 4 odd when we left the pushpagiri base. Just about 3km to Mallali, but we managed to reach only by 4.45, the reason for which is-

1) Our very experienced driver-bhai-saab, whose driving skills were almost obsolete in every sense.
2) The roads, which were mighty fine in that there was hardly a road:)
3) The 'placing a stone behind the rear wheel' method, which i've mentioned in the previous post. 4) He tried convincing us that the brake doesn't work if he doesn't drive in first gear on a down slope.

We stopped the bus about 3 km from the falls, at the only 'homely' home in the vicinity. A coorgi uncle told us that it was hardly a 2km trek. But one thing i've learnt in these places is that
'x' km= '2x' km:)
The trek was through some dense forest. The trail was clearly marked, very wide, mainly because of incessant usage by four wheel drives (who am i kidding). A while into our descent, there were two paths diverged in the green woods. Adhip and myself did not take the one less travelled by, and that did make all the difference:P. However, the others somehow managed to do so, and didn't realise they did for quite a while. (more on this later)
We could now hear the water roaring. I didn't have any expectations from these falls. It's not very well known, it's very remote, and hard to reach. However, I must say that it's quite a sight.









I've seen the Niagara up close in all its glory. But everytime I close my eyes and try conjuring up a vivid Image, my memory fails me. This is not the case with Mallali. It's sight is so mystical, with mountains in the background, Steep rock faces, Mist cover, The tree cover, and the clouds floating just above. An absolute beauty. In a way, the remoteness of this place actually makes it more mystical. Marvellous place to visit. A must.It's really a shame it's not promoted that well. But then again, isn't Niagara all about hype? I definitely think so. I regret us not having gone there in the morning itself.
It was getting dark, Nearly around 5:30 when we got a view of Mallali. It really doesn't seem like a 62 m drop! Bite me. I wanted to take in every moment. It was almost as though I didn't know where to look, at the roaring water, or the clouds above, the mist floating across, slowly covering the falls in a blanket, as if to say- You don't deserve to watch:)

A farmer nearby said that no one had crossed his path apart from the few of us. This was worrying. About twenty from our class had apparently gone the wrong way. (the detour at the beginning). Another very adventurous fellow decided to go descend further down, by making his own paths and inviting his own doom. I'm sure i'm speaking for everybody when i say that we were more tensed than we'd be during exams.
Meanwhile, Bus-driver-macha cantered along from the distance and told us that the Bus was stuck in slosh. The rear wheel was giving us heat. So, only one word now being processed by us.
HOGE.

About five of us struggled uphill towards the bus, and to our horror, considered coming to terms with the impending doom, and make alternate arrangements.
Around seven odd, the girls were back from their other 'trip', they did get to see the falls!( good for em). So a burden off our shoulders. But we kept wondering about the whereabouts of adventurous fellow. (Not using his name).
To our relief, he was back! And soon he found himself at the receiving end of some serious wrath,that went something like this-
#@^@HOGE@#$^@FUCK#%R@^@! THNK@# @@#$!!!!!!

Our bus was going nowhere. Nature had decided to fuck with us:). Our bus driver had a few ideas which he failed to implement. Now i was prepared for the worst. It was pitch dark, so Adarsh and myself decided to walk the girls back to that 'homely' home, and arrange for a tow truck or tractor. Adrenalin was pumping hard. We tried to act all Manly and fearless, but in reality, we were peeing in our pants!
But to our relief, the other ec boys managed to use some logic with inertia and momentum and the bus was released. So on we hopped onto the bus, joking about our little mis-adventure and how easily it could've screwed us up. We finally reached mysore by around eleven, and I soon realised that the comfort of sleep is more joyful than 'beauty' in any form:)

Conclusions and lessons learnt-
1) Life's a bitch sometimes
2) Life is fun sometimes.
3) Don't fuck with nature, it'll fuck you harder.
4) You give the term 'beauty' many meanings, and derive many meanings, but when you're actually encapsulated in something so real and fresh, you take in every moment. That's because you know 'beauty' when you see it
5) some memories are meant to be preserved forever, whilst some aren't:)
6) You try drawing a line between reality and frugality.
7) Paisa Vasool. 275 RS/- per head. Including 400 extra that we ended up paying driver for exorbitant diesel usage.
8) Laughter is contagious:)
9) Stray dogs copulate like rats! Someone please introduce contraceptives:P
10) The western ghats are out of this world.

P:S- Blogger's been acting like a bitch, so this post is still incomplete. Next post- missing parts.

Oblivion

It was a little after five; I entered the coffee house only to find a significant number of people already standing in queue for takeout. It was almost closing time. Damn. I was already running late on a few errands. I figured i could get my way easy by chatting up the cute cashier guy. But as i started moving forward, a miserly old man told me to get back in line.
Not another wise-ass I thought, not in the least paying heed to his age or his 'principles'.
So there i was, already late, and now impatient. I noticed how a few heads were turned in my direction, and i must say i wasn't surprised.

The gaze of one particular man caught my attention. There he was, sitting cross-legged at a table a few feet away from me. I could sense his eyes scanning my rocking body. Only, i couldn't see his eyes. It was safely hidden behind a set of shades. Maybe to filter the haze from the sun, i thought.
I knew he was constantly looking, taking in the sights. But i didn't have the pleasure of knowing, for sure, that he was guilty of it. My self imposed smugness was slowly building. And why not.
I was wearing a knee length skirt, the hem of which kept flickering upwards whenever the door to the coffee house opened, and a chilling breeze floated across. Anyone would sight this "sight".I didn't mind this at all.
I had gorgeous skin; olive and silky to the touch. Guys who perpetually ogle me, tell me that i remind them of Ana Ivanovic. No bullshit. My ego was sky high.
The yellow pull-over was not doing a good job of concealing the skin above my waist. And i must say, i tried very hard to not do any shielding.
Obviously, this accentuated the lust and longing i could so easily see in the eyes around me.
This was my zone now. Suddenly, time seemed so relative.

My thought-ego process was abruptly halted. A little girl in front of me turned back and asked the man in the shades: ' Dad, do you want a cup-cake?'
He nodded inattentively.His gaze was still fixated on me.
I thought to myself: ' A married man? With a kid! Does he not love his life? Maybe his sex life is a failure. I couldn't picture him to be a happy family man. The lust i thought i 'sensed', gave it all away. Ah! What did i care!!'
I paid for my take-out, gave the man another look, only to get one back. I walked out onto the street.
As the sun began its journey to set on the horizon, my complacency and ego started to rise again.

P:S- The man in the shades gathered his walking stick, and called out to his daughter. Together, they meandered out onto the open road. He was blind.
The woman's ego was not a high rise building. It merely was a stack of dominos:)

Dreams!

My mom keeps telling me i have a lot of potential. She means to say i'm shit brainy but not the least bit hardworking. Atleast that's what i think:P.
I've always been good at Maths. Throughout my life, it's always been my forte (Thank you nickil for the word). I breezed through the Math exams in school, managed 99 in the Tenth boards, 97 again in 12th. Wrote K.CET without any qualms about anything, because, frankly, i was adequately prepared. The bomb came when the results were announced. Everyone at home thought i'd get around the 500th rank. I managed to somehow get 157. I couldn't believe it.
This insignificant number, harboured no significance at all till that glorious day in mid-may 0f '06. All my life i was a mediocre student. Never hogged any limelight. Now i knew what i was capable of. 99.99 percentile!
The regrets soon followed. I.I.T and N.I.T were in my realm of possiblities. Physics and Maths were my holding ground. But yet somehow, the opportunity slipped. I never paid heed to this significant moment in my life.
Three years have gone by. College apparently 'changes' people. The truth of the matter is, It was three years ago i last "studied". Shit happens they say. Now, i'm actually thinking about where my life is heading as opposed to where it could have been.
So i'm going to find me-self one of those job things, work for a few years, and then join the Indian School of Business.Talk about realising potential. There aren't going to be any compromises this time.
This insignificant little blog post is going to be witness to a very gratified event later on. Now here's my inspiration..

F1 India not on track?

The latest news doing rounds is that the Sports ministry has rejected the 'Basic idea' of the Indian Grand Prix in '11. Mr Gill, ( Not to be confused with Gill, the former president of IHF:P)
has said that Formula One is not a sport. Apparently, F1 is just 'expensive entertainment', as opposed to our National Game Hockey. Not like we're doing any good at it. With the so called 'revival' and all, things may change.
Coming back, seriously? Not a sport. So the battering of 4 plus G's that the drivers experience as well as the very simple 'matter' of staying fit enough to drive those cars (Rather Machines) doesn't qualify? I don't know what does. The truth of the matter is that it is the most expensive sport there is.

Here's a definition for cricket: 'You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game!' Does this even make sense?
So much for T20 and the IPL. Cricket is a religion, and F1 soon will be too!
I don't see how anyone stands to lose out on money. So what's the problem.
Will someone pay Gill his Bill? :)
Maybe Dr Mallya will.

Reality bites

There are times such as now, where i'm sure many guys are going through the 'phase' that so affliates itself with me these days. Exactly what this phase is, is very hard to put in words, but will try so here goes. For a while now, i've been engulfed with this "thing" that fills me to the brim. ( i'm using "thing" cause i can't think of a stronger word) The "thing"connotes itself with a distortionless sine wave. ( can't help i study this shit all day). An up followed by a down. This is an example of how a normal day would go for me.

(Reality)- I take the same route to college, ride the same vehicle at a constant speed,stop at the same traffic signals, occasionaly catch a glimpse of a beauty (oh ya this is an upside), then rush to class asap with the prospect of getting a spot on the last bench. Then stand up as the teachers enter and leave, faking regard and respect. Then pretend to listen to their pointless lectures all the while staring in interim at the watch!! Then get really pissed when the bugger leaves without taking attendance. Then wonder why i even attended. Then catch a glimpse of the cute girl who's been driving me nuts for months. Picture myself finally asking her out ( i'm clearly daydreaming:D). Lunch in the same old canteen. Back to class, back out.
Same vehicle,same route, same traffic signals,back home. I've retraced my path.
I'm not complaining about the lack of variations. It's just that i don't do shit about it. My day could've easily been like......
(castle in the air:P)- For a change, i could go late to college, bunk a few classes to catch a movie, skip the traffic signals;), show the finger to the cop on duty busy digging his nose, zoom in at high speeds, hit the brakes hard. swerve in traffic, smile and wink at the beauty, then go to class late, actually don't give a shit and sit in the first bench, or bunk and tell my friend-macha proxy!!
Go to a fancy restaurant for lunch, sit side by side with the cutie whom i just asked out, make her pay the bill:p , then get her number and actually make use of my stupid messaging plan.

The thing is, "things" don't work this way for moi. If i wanted to build the castle in the air, i would've done it long ago. That's why there's a clear demarcation between reality and the castle.:P There are some lessons in life which i just don't get. The heart says build the castle but the mind condemns the idea. The mind makes all my moves.
I know that i can decide my destiny and make the necessary changes, but i don't know how and when to start. The outcome isn't important, it's the passage i'm worried about. I hate this yin-yang angle to everything. Everything has to be weighed. It's pure madness!
The alchemist presents a clear cut message. It tells people to follow their dreams. Thing is- my dreams are cloudy.:)

dear god!

Religion vs science. A dicey comparison i must say. Weigh all the odds but still one is confused. Certainly very ambiguous.

Man vs wild sounds better!!. Now, when does one look to god for answers and when does he look to science. Ten years ago, i wouldn't have had an idea. We all grew up with the belief and notion that God is the Creator and that he is at the top of the rung. Hell I'm pretty sure science was not even in the picture.Religion and science were incompatible back then. Poor little kids we were. Boy did we have those nightmares where them devilish faces-phases too and ghastly shadows would creep up behind our backs and in our sleep and help us aggravate our miseries ;). We'd quietly say our prayers and go to bed with hope that "god" would answer our prayers. No susu that night was often the desired result.

With that notion behind us, I mean way behind us, we've all outgrown ourselves and often ponder about the mighty ones existence in iffy situations. Where is god when we most dearly need him! Does he send his messengers to help us, or do we take a walk down scientific avenue. How are we to know that god will come, see and conquer.

About a year back, on the way back from a real fun road trip, two of my friends had a horrible accident. Head on with another vehicle at a very high speed. Fortunately, both of them escaped with minor injuries and the bike took most of the batter. That same morning, we paid a visit to a temple where one of the guys did an apradakshina ( dunno the right word) or basically he went around the temple in the anticlockwise sense- the wrong "sense" literally. Was god angry then? Was the accident all about revenge? Or did he actually save our asses because another friend and myself did 3 rounds (pradakshinas) with our hearts into it. One will never know! It's impossible for me (a year on still) to ever know who played spoilsport that day. (or rather saved them guys). Although science does offer us answers, like say probably cause the crash guard and the bumper took all the impact, I'm very much inclined to believe that it was god's hand. Thank god for that!

In another instance, lets take the example of a dying man in coma. Suddenly, one fine day he wakes up out of it and is doing just fine. People would say things like god saved his ass and god is great blah blah blah. However, the rationale would point our heads in the scientific direction. Maybe he responded well to treatment and decided it was time to "Come back to life".

I've known for a fact that the Nile is known to turn red when filled with bacteria. May moses' soul rest in peace:)

Faith and fate synonymous with god and science. Both these entities have their own definition of "truth". God's truth is laid down and carved out long ago. Truth in science comes from trial and error, experiments and so on and so forth. So who offers us a good version of the truth remains to be seen.

Is love a proof of god? Is faith a good thing?. Why can't god find a compromise with science. Why can't they work in tandem. The proof of god is the happening of miracles everyday. Science gives us logical explanations. But it does sometimes fail us. The example of black magic where one person does omething with a few lemons, chants a few mantras and wham some guy is cursed. I do hope that GOD finds neutral ground soon. Perhaps these two entities are one and the same. The only logical solution.

P.S: Robert Frost once wrote- two roads diverged in a yellow wood. I took the one less travelled by, And that has made all the difference. What the hell was he talking about.